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25 April 2006 @ 05:50 pm
angels__fall will continue here

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21 March 2006 @ 06:29 am
Plans and world peaceCollapse )
Current Mood: contemplativecontemplative
23 November 2005 @ 05:46 pm
I wasn't a fool, I knew exactly what was going on. What had been going on since the minute Wesley had set foot back into the hotel. Of all the nerve, I could hardly believe how quick he was to sell me out. Yet at the same time it made him more intruiging by a hundredfold. I had done him a favor, had risked my own life to help him escape the hotel when he first became aware of what Jasmine truly was. Now it seemed to me that he had returned only to force me into his own situation, alerting Jasmine and her simpering followers that I knew the truth. That I couldn't be trusted. In any other time I would have agreed with their sentiments, but now I was the only one they could trust. They just didn't understand the thrall holding them in place. Now I had lost my place in the inner circle, and all because Wesley had decided to make every suspicious of my motives.

I knew it wouldn't be long until Jasmine had begun to figure things out. That she hadn't been the one to summon me forth in some futile attempts to reunite a family that didn't exist. I had come forth of my volition and now that Jasmine knew this I was no longer in any position of power over my son or anyone else. I had only hoped that this would not be revealed until I had discovered a weakness of some sort. However, Wesley completely destroyed any chances of that and soon I felt myself completely isolated. On a constant watch between my son, Angel and Gunn. They tried to pretend as if they were concerned about me, as if they wanted to keep me company but I had spent far too long watching. And I knew exactly why they were keeping a close eye on me. Because I was now a liability and Jasmine was all too aware of it.

There was much to fear. Angel had once killed me to save his lover, a high school cheerleader. His feelings for Buffy, how real they were was still up to debate but they were real enough to shove a stake through my heart. His love for Jasmine grew by leaps and bounds and far surpassed his love for Buffy. He would kill for her and I'd seen him do as much, if I was next on the list I had no doubts that he would be the one to do it. And now I wasn't a vampire and could afford only manipulation in fighting back against my own death. And Connor? As much as it pained me to think about it, he had in essence already killed me once. The staking of myself aside because he hadn't killed me, I'd killed myself out of love for him. When he dragged that petite blonde into the warehouse he shared with Cordelia. I took her form as he raised the axe and he hesitated for only a split second before killing the girl. The girl who was wearing my face. Jasmine knew the greatest manipulation of all and I was convinced that if need be she could have either of my boys end me at any time.

It wasn't fear for myself that caused me to be afraid, however. It was fear for my son. And for Angel, although I knew he could take care of himself when need be. He'd spent a few centuries now and had enough practice to be left to his own idiotic devices. But Connor? He was merely a boy with so much to learn about the world. I had once hoped to teach him but even as he grew inside of me, shared his soul with me I knew it was too much to hope for. You couldn't love without a soul, you could only be consumed. That same love that infected our hearts still reigned, even if they no longer beat. Now my heart beat all too loudly in my ears as Connor entered my room.


"Mom, I have to take you to Jasmine." Connor said stiffly, his eyes darting around the room nervously. He knew what was about to happen and yet was doing nothing to stop it. I had known from the minute the lock had snapped on the outside of my door several hours ago. Trapped.

"Connor, please don't do this." I walked towards him and rested one warm hand against the side of his face, meeting his pale eyes with my own. He was so much like me, and I was grateful to have learned as much in my short time here.

"She just wants to help you. I have to take you to her. I know Wesley confused you, but she'll make it better for you again. I promise." His words were sincere as he looked down at me and I knew that he meant them. He really hoped for me to be helped when all along I was trying to help him.

"She's going to kill me." I whispered as I pulled my hand away from his face.

"Don't be ridiculous. She just wants to help you. I want you to get help, Mom. Please?" His voice, his eyes- so pleading I couldn't help but feel my will buckle beneath me. It hardly mattered as I knew there was no talking to Connor and I had one of two choices. To follow willingly or be dragged forcibly. My pride wouldn't allow for the second if I could help it and if I wanted to stave off my own execution I would have to follow, I would have to manipulate. My own son.

I nodded and he smiled as he took my arm lightly in his and led me away from my room. My eyes scanned the perimeter as he tugged me insistantly towards Jasmine's room. Right before we approached I saw my opening and I took it. Flinging myself away from my son I knocked straight into Gunn catching him by surprise. Grabbing the gun he carried away from him I stepped away from both of them and trained it on Gunn. I couldn't seem to move targets to my son even if I had no true intention of harming him.

"Mom, please! Let us help you!" I could hear Connor pleading as I backed away from the both of them, the gun trembling in my hands.

"You can't help me, Connor. I can only help you now." I said quietly as I slipped out the lobby door, the onlookers staring at me in surprise. By now Jasmine had most of the city under her control and they all gathered in the hotel lobby now, watching me make my escape.

As soon as the night air hit my skin I ran as fast as I possibly could, weaving through alleyway after alleyway with no notion of where to turn to next. No notion until I bumped straight into the thing that had caused this grief for me. Wesley.

Out of breath and shaking I held the gun up and pointed it at him. I was a vampire and I'd killed my share of people. Hurting another would hardly stain my soul any worse than it already was.

"You did this to me!" I hissed out at him.
Current Music: Still Fighting It- Ben Folds
30 October 2005 @ 12:48 pm
Twisting the truth.Collapse )
Current Mood: anxiousanxious
12 October 2005 @ 08:50 pm
It was a fluke. Truely. A case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Because of the way I'd selflessly sacrificed myself so that my son may live I wasn't banished to the bottomless pits of hell after I'd returned to dust for the second time. All this time, centuries upon centuries of tormenting and torturing and murdering and every other brutal doing both acting alone and with Angelus by my side and this was our destiny. So much pain, so much aggression and in the end we were both created to in turn create something else. One small bit of beauty to spring from our eternal darkness. It seemed preposterous and yet I'd lived it. I'd seen the pale eyes of my son as that cheerleading witch manipulated him into killing an innocent girl. She jaded my son and for that? If she should ever choose to awaken I was sure to kill her myself regardless of whether this was her fault or not.

Because of my place, because of where I had chosen to spend out eternity watching my son grow into his role in the world, I happened to know about certain things happening to him. I happened to have a firm enough connection to the powers that be that I wasn't surprised when their desperation began to grow. After all, Jasmine's descent into the world was their fault. Their doing. They owed a favor to those below and I was what they chose to cash in. A lofty hope it was that I would be the one to undo what had been done. Especially when the powers refused to return me back to this plane a vampire. I begged and pleaded for them to reconsider, I was more than willing to bear the brunt of a soul within my vampiric form. A mother like his father. Yet the powers refused to return me as such, instead I had one oppurtunity to right this wrong and I had to do it behind the imprisonment of frail human skin.

I'd already failed the first mission. If I had only just managed to convince Connor to not kill the girl than Jasmine would never have been able to rise in the first place. Unfortunately, it was in vain as Connor ignored my heed and continued to follow the call of his loins. He really was his father's son. Then the demi Goddess appeared and everyone seemed to forget about my miraculous ressurrection. The goddess herself was far too wrapped up in her own power that she seemed to accept this as absolute truth. That somehow her powers extended to hell and had thus pulled me free from my torment to complete her false family. I was content to allow this deception to continue as I had no intention of letting anyone know why I had really returned. The maggots that coated her face haunted me, but no one else seemed to be aware of them. I wasn't sure why I had the sudden sight to see past this hypnosis when Connor and Angel seemed to be equally enchanted by her.

It wasn't long until nearly the entire city had fallen beneath her bewitching spell. I wasn't entirely sure what card she was playing, or what her gain might be. Returning eternal peace to a race instintually caught up in violence and destruction seemed impossible. Somehow she was accomplishing this by eliminating free will. I cared little for it. These humans were suddenly the most dreadful and boring group of animals I'd ever observed. It hadn't escaped my attention that I had become one of them. Being careful to stay hidden in the sidelines and yet never straying far from my son. I followed him as if a shadow and the nights when Jasmine had retired and the two of us were able to talk warmed my heart. I wanted to continue this state of limbo forever. Unfortunately, I refused to watch my boys fall prey to this witch.

One evening I was standing near Connor as he kept council with Jasmine. An incident in a local bowling alley had shaken the group of ragtag investigators up and the tiny Texan girl along with the Watcher had disappeared to clean up some soiled clothes. Connor and Jasmine were talking quietly as I stood near the wall when suddenly Wesley burst in with the soiled shirt in question dangling in his hand.
11 September 2005 @ 01:53 pm
Let the sun shineCollapse )
Current Mood: happySerene